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kiyuso
☕ Partially active. Just blogging down my messy thoughts for the record and future references. Also a story writer, typically concerning my gays. I don't particularly have any interests. It's more like, if something piques my interests, I become infatuated or obsessed.
agenda
08/23 My Birthday
9/7 Hello Kitty Cafe Truck
9/28 Tour de Corgi
10/17 Brother's Birthday
10/31 Halloween
11/9 Ramen-o-Rama!
12/5 Wen's Birthday
musings
I write only because there is a voice within me that will not be still. - Sylvia Plath
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I'm sorry I hurt you, but I'm hurting too.
I thought he knew, but I guess he didn't. I felt bad, I had always felt bad. I knew it wasn't going to work, but he assured me it would. Was that I lie? Or maybe I'm just turning small details into facts to defend myself. I'm not so sure what to do, how to fix this distance between us. I should just take all the blame and leave things as it is, so you can hate me more. But I know I should try to patch things up, but I'm scared to face you, I'm scared to face the us we use to be. I'm not so strong, and I hope you know that. You're always making it up to me, so please don't do it this time; this time it is my turn. If you say it first, I'll feel humiliated and guilty and haunted for the rest of my life. I don't want your forgiveness, I should've never said yes that day. Even if that was to tear us apart, it would've been fine. Atleast you wouldn't have been hurting like now because of all the memories. I was scared, scared to know if I actually loved you. I was so scared that I chose the safe way and denied your feelings. Now I realize it was love, and I regret letting you go. I can't stop these feelings, and I can't show them to you either. Once you come back, I don't think I'll ever let go. The guilt I feel, the tears I'm shedding, the pain in my heart... All of it is greater than yours, I know, so don't tell me that I don't know, because I do and that's why it hurts. But, I'm glad I let you go. I don't want to hold you back. I don't want to waste your time. I know I'm not the one, and you know it too. So move on, go on, I'll be watching from behind. There's someone worthwhile out there, and that person is not me.
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